It happened again yesterday. 

I was out with my dogs, having a nice stroll.  (Pony is not yet cleared for full-blown romping post-ACL surgery so we were only strolling.)  Someone else came upon us with her ill-behaved dog, she glared at my off-leash dogs.  I put them in a down/stay so she could pass peacefully.  Her little dog was barking ferociously and pulling with all its might on the end of the leash; the harness was enabling the pulling. 

She did not walk by us, she glared and turned to walk the other way. 

I don’t know exactly what she was thinking.  Maybe she was embarrassed?  Maybe envious?  For sure, she was noticing the difference between her little dog being hideously inappropriate while my German Shepherd and Spaniel/Terrier Mix were silently respectful, waiting for my release before getting up.  I’d be willing to bet dollars to donuts that she was thinking my dogs’ unleashed status was making hers bark. 

Let me assure you that if my dogs’ leashes had been attached to their collars rather than hanging from my belt loop nothing would have changed.  Perhaps I would have needed to stoop over a bit because Pony likes to lie down instead of sit if it will be more than 30 seconds but they would have remained as still and quiet on the end of my leash as her little dog was agitated and unhinged on the end of hers.

If she had asked, “How do you get them to do that?” I would have gladly helped her.  If she had apologized or in some manner acknowledged her dog’s inappropriate behavior I would have empathized, told her about what hot messes my two were before training and I would have helped her.  If she would have looked beyond the circumstance to the core of the issue, I could have helped her.

But she didn’t.  She saw only that her dog was upset and instead of seeing that it was HER DOG with the problem she pegged mine as the problem.  Why?  Because it’s infinitely easier to blame something else than it is to admit your own shortcomings.  Very much like an addict, one must admit they have a problem before they can get help. 

My heart broke for that little dog.  The anxiety it was feeling as it screamed must have been overwhelming.  I so wanted to help him, help her, to bring peace to his little mind and by extension their family.  I did not have that chance. 

I suspect she went home and told her partner or friends all about the awful woman at the park who didn’t have her dogs on a leash and because of that she had to cut her walk short as it upset her little dog so much.  She would have blamed his subsequent nervous behavior on the morning’s encounter.  Maybe she’ll decide that it’s not safe to walk anymore and instead invest in a fence so he can run around all day long.  (Pro Tip: this will likely make things worse as isolation and enclosure aversion will escalate his already anxious mind.)

I can’t say for sure but my gut tells me that she will make a few adaptations in an effort to change the environment for her dog so that he doesn’t react.  That’s going to be a terrific temporary solution.  The problem is that another situation will arise that will set off her dog again.  Maybe she will try to change the environment again.  It will work for a short while again.

The core issue here is that we cannot adapt the environment to suit our dogs but we can- and we should- adapt our dogs to suit the environment.

I’m still thinking about that little dog.  I’m worried about him.  I want to help him and his mom feel better about being out in the world.  I want her to see me and my dogs at the park and have the response be, “Hey, Mia!  Let’s walk together.”  I can imagine it; we walk and chat about the weather while we sip our coffee.  Our dogs romp and play together as we go along, not straying too far and quietly respecting our commands to sit and stay as another dog passes by.  Then I’ll go home, she’ll go home, all of the dogs will find their favorite morning nap spot and life will be peaceful for all. 

Some may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.

October 1!  Where did the summer go?  Here in Central PA the temps are still in the 80’s, 91 is forecasted for tomorrow, but the calendar has no time to wait.  Over the next 90 days there will be trick-or-treaters, a sudden loss of evening sunshine, Thanksgiving to host or attend, the madness of the gift-giving holidays in December that turn children into angels when the elf is watching and demons when the dog eats the elf.  Are you ready?

What does the thought of costumed children ringing your doorbell over and over again do to you?  Maybe you’re excited to dress up, too!  Maybe you’ll enjoy seeing the costumes and offering a Dixie Cup of wine to the parents escorting their children on the great candy beg.  Or, maybe, you’re dreading it.  Maybe your dog will freak out every time someone approaches the yard and attempted to claw through the door when the doorbell rings.  Are you legit fearful that you will be filing a homeowner’s claim when the bite you know has been coming actually happens?

Perhaps you’d like to have the gang over to watch a football game- WE ARE!  What will you do with your dog?  Thanksgiving, if you’re gone for more than 4 hours what will await your return home?  The same neat sofa and unstained carpet that you left?  Or, are you hosting and have a back up turkey just in case some furry family member counter surfs all the tryptophan?

Think about December, that incredible, magical month; whether you celebrate Christmas, Chanukah or simply the time off work, how will your dog react to the madness and limited exercise as the weather changes?

How do you know when you need to seek training for your dog?

1. Are you taking your dog along when you go trick-or-treating?
2. Are you looking forward to your dog greeting the doorbell and costumed children seeking candy?
3. Are you excited to have friends and family over for parties and meals?
4. Do you eagerly accept invitations to parties and events even if you don’t have day care, dog-walkers or sitters on call?
5. Can you confidently leave a pie or cookies cooling on the counter?

If you answered, “no,” to any of these questions then you could probably use some help.  Has reading this so far, imagining the scenarios play out, given you some anxiety?  You are not alone!  It didn’t happen overnight but if you’ve become a prisoner to your dog’s behavior there is a way out that does not need to involve drugs, euthanasia and re-homing.

Good dogs are not born, they are made.  It’s okay to ask for help.  Most people do not cut their own hair, drill their own teeth or draft their own legal documents; they seek out professionals who specialize in these services that enrich and enhance their lives.  It’s okay to hire a dog training professional to do the same.

Your entire family deserves to live in peaceful harmony and to be included in as many activities as possible.  You should not have to change your plans because you either can’t bring your dog, can’t expose your dog to a situation, can’t find a sitter for your dog or quite simply can’t trust your dog.

It’s not just normal behavior for a dog to…

jump on people.

to pull on a leash.

to growl and bark at everything that passes by.

to bite strangers.

to run away at the first taste of freedom.

You don’t have to live as a hostage to your dog’s behavior, you can take charge of the situation.  When you do, your life, your dog’s life, your entire family’s lives will be better for it.  I promise, it’s not too late. 

You can teach an old dog new tricks; your puppy is not going to just grow out of it.

Oh, Mr. Einstein.  We need you down here. 

I’m going to attempt to write this post without shaming anyone personally.  I might fail.  If I offend, I’m truly sorry that your feelings are hurt but I’m about to speak the truth.  Sometimes the truth hurts.

I’m a personal dog trainer.  Sure, I have group classes but they are for approved students and graduates in good standing.  Some students never get approved for class; some graduates have their attendance privileges suspended.  My training is not one-size fits all so I’m not interested in just taking your money and throwing some cookie-cutter bullshit at you before slapping a hat on your dog’s head and taking a cute picture.  No, I expect you to actually do the work and for your dog’s behavior to actually change.

I’m a dog trainer, not a witch.  I have no magic wand to wave to make what you’ve been doing suddenly work.  Just because you approach this dog with the same methods and training with which you approached a previous dog does not mean it will work again.  If you realize you need some help, I’m happy to do it.  I will get to know your dog, start with the basics, work through issues as they arise and advise new approaches.  If you’re unwilling to take my advice then please don’t be surprised when your dog continues the behavior you’re trying to change.  If you are not willing to change your approach then your dog is not going to change its behavior.

Change is good; it has to begin somewhere.  Let it be you.  Be the change you want to see in your dog.

Your dog is not made of glass. 

Your dog’s ego and self-worth are not so fragile that he can’t handle being told, “no.”

You are not going to irreparably damage your relationship by setting boundaries and enforcing rules.

Let me be clear: I never, ever advocate hurting a dog.  Abuse is never okay.  Period.  Punishment, correction, setting rules and absolutes are not abuse. 

There has been a terrible shift over that past 30 years away from the concept of the word, “no.”  I’m not just thinking about dog training, I’m thinking about our society as a whole.  We have been trying so hard to be an inclusive and tolerant world that we have forgotten that rules are okay.  Boundaries are okay; especially for dogs who crave rules, structure and leadership.

Stop making excuses for your dog jumping up on people and make him stop it.  Make him understand that it is wrong and unacceptable.  You’re not going to make him not love you.  He will be grateful for the guidance so that he can remain in the room and be included in the conversation.

Stop avoiding walking your dog because she pulls on the leash.  Teach her a proper heel and correct her when she breaks it.  A life confined to the fenced-in yard is miserable.  Give her the chance to get out and see the world.  She deserves to get to go along.

Stop allowing your dog to be disrespectful.  He no longer lives in a dog pack, it is unacceptable to greet his human pack members with nips and snarls.  Hold him accountable for his choice and establish your role as the leader.  He’s not paying the bills in your house, he doesn’t get to make the rules.

Stop putting your human values on your dog.  She is a den animal; the crate is her safe place to be.  If you offer appropriate exercise- both mental and physical- she will have nothing but solace and enjoy the respite of her crate.  Just because YOU may feel confined does not mean that she will.

Finally, JUST SAY NO.  If you dog is licking the dirty dishes in the dishwasher as you’re loading it say no and tell him to get out of the kitchen.  Mean it.  If your dog is chewing on your shoes don’t reward that with a toy.  Tell her no, take the shoe away, be pissed off and tell her so.  If he’s on the couch and you don’t want him to be, if she’s screaming at passers-by, if he’s digging holes in the yard, if she’s generally being a menace- just say no.  Your dog will still love you, I promise.

The dogs in the picture are mine.  One I adopted at a year old and the other was a 5-year-old I fostered and failed.  Neither had a perfect start, both had awful habits but I took them into my home and promised to be their forever family.  I set the rules, I drew the lines and I enforced them.  I enforced them with love and shock collars, exercise and prong collars, good nutrition and discipline, quality healthcare and crates.  I love them enough to give them what they need to be their best selves.  That picture is not a fluke.  We go everywhere together and they get to be free because I love them enough to say no when they screw up. 

I’d love to hear from you, how do you set boundaries for your family?

https://www.youtube.com/embed/hbk4kx86204

Do you know this movie?  It’s Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves.  I love it!  Despite the historical inaccuracies, the bad accents and the predictable plot, I love it.

In this scene, Fanny is about to give birth to her eighth child but she knows something doesn’t feel quite right.  The good Friar Tuck means well but he is speaking words of fear out of ignorance.  It’s a close call, Tuck’s emotional whispering into Little John’s ear nearly makes him burst in and remove Azeem from assisting Fanny.  Yes, Azeem’s approach to midwifery is bold and causes some discomfort but he is looking at the problem logically- the baby was breach and needed to be turned to be born safely.  He takes the necessary action to remedy the situation.  In the end, Azeem saves the day.  He helps Fanny safely deliver her son.

Why am I going on about a 28-year-old movie?  The same thing is happening in the dog training world.  There is a very well-organized, very loud and well-meaning group spouting emotional fear about balanced training.  They cry out against training tools they neither use nor understand.  They do this in an attempt to be kind; they truly believe that using force-free methods are the best path.  Sometimes it works!  Just like in medieval times, sometimes a breech baby could be born safely without assistance.

The sad reality is that the vast majority of those babies died just as the vast majority of dogs trained using force free methods are unsuccessful.  Instead of becoming family members who are able to accompany their humans everywhere, instead of helping a dog confront and conquer their dog reactivity, they keep their pet in a fenced back yard.  Instead of teaching their dog not to jump on visitors, they stop having people over.  People allow their lives to be taken over by their dog’s behavior instead of reaching for a different method of modifying the behavior. 

Balanced training is often uncomfortable.  I will stipulate that.  However, all growth is uncomfortable.  Show me one human who didn’t have some struggle in school and I’ll show you an uneducated person.  If a butterfly does not struggle in discomfort against the cocoon then her wings will not be strong enough to fly.  In a dog pack, they keep one another in check in the most primitive way possible- they growl, snarl, snap and bite.  This is the language dogs already know.  Balanced training taps into that reality and uses it as a map to help the dog learn to understand English and to live in a human pack.

I have the utmost respect for anybody who cares enough about dogs to make an effort at helping them live their best lives.  Truly.  In the name of science, which is the force free advocate’s favorite argument, please remember that there are four quadrants of behavior medication.  Two of them involve punishment which is often uncomfortable.  We must often cause controlled discomfort in order to grow.  Just as Little John resisted Friar Tuck’s advice, resist the emotional manipulation designed to avoid teaching your dog.  In the end, Tuck himself admits that we all have much to learn from one another and celebrates with a beer.  Azeem accepts his grateful humility and politely declines the beer as his faith forbids it.  What a beautiful example to follow.