Average C Student

Clients often ask me if I’m the dog whisperer.  I am not.  Am I a witch of some sort, then?  Not a witch.  Well, there must be something special or supernatural about you… Nope.  I’m just your average C student.

I am calm.

I am confident.

I am consistent.

Your dog craves these things.  I promise if you strive to be an average C student, too, your dog will listen as well to you as he does to me.

Calm.  When you are calm it is so much easier for your dog to calm down.  He will always respond more to your blood pressure than anything else.  He can sense if you’re anxious or upset.  He doesn’t always know why but when he feels that heightened energy in you he will respond in kind.  This is why when you are sad and weepy he may come to snuggle or maybe even lick your tears.  We humans like to think they have developed some higher level of consciousness.  To be honest, when you’re crying on the couch over some man who’s broken your heart the thought that your dog understands you better and loves you more anyway is a huge comfort.  Go ahead and run with that delusion. 

Any other time you are not calm he will be seeking to match your emotions, not necessarily resolve them.  If you’re excited about a package that has just arrived he doesn’t realize you’re not terrified of the UPS guy.  You may be thinking, “Why are you barking at him?  That’s the Amazon I primed last night!”  Nope, he just feels your heightened excitement and assumes he should get excited with you.  Seeing the dude in brown racing up to the door leads him to further assume that stranger danger is here to kill us all so best he handle that for you.  After all, it’s his job to protect you, right?

The solution is simple.  I know you’re eager to remember what you one-clicked on last night after you were deep into the second bottle of Pinot but have a little perspective and bring it down a notch.  If you calmly thank your dog for alerting you and send him to his place so you can greet the UPS guy with a sincere thank you and a kind smile you will not lessen your joy in the least.  You will help your dog learn that the UPS, FedEx and US Mail trucks are not the devil’s minions.

Confident.  I’m the first to admit that I am stupidly confident.  I find myself in situations that my ego put me in but my thinking self is overwhelmed by.  Don’t be like me to that extent but, please, believe in yourself.  Your dog needs so desperately to believe in you, too.  He needs to know that you are a strong, capable leader who will not lead him astray.  He needs to know that you’ve got his back; when you tell him to relax or to come back or to stop doing something that you are prepared for anything.  If he can’t trust you to lead then why should he follow?  Worse yet, if you’re not leading then Oh.My.God.  Who’s in charge around here?!

In the absence of a clear leader your dog will step up to make decisions even if he’s not equipped for them.  Think of it as driving.  Imagine your dog looking at you hesitating to merge on the highway so he pushes you out of the driver’s seat to take the wheel.  Nothing good will come of that.  If you won’t let your dog drive your car then why would you let him drive anything else?  Be a confident leader, your dog really wants to be proud to follow you.  If you don’t have it in you by nature then fake it.  You may not have been ready for that responsibility but this is what you signed up for when you took in that life curled up in a ball over there.  It is an honor; give it the dignity it deserves and step up to the challenge.

Consistent.  This is the big one.  I’d like to quote my 8^th grade English teacher, Mr. Gearhart:

Say what you mean.  Mean what you say.  Don’t do it any other way.

It’s been way longer than I care to admit since I was in Mr. Gearhart’s class, God rest him, but I still remember that phrase so well!  He truly helped to shape not only the teacher that I became but the woman that I am.  Say what you mean.  When you say, “Come,” mean it.  Insist that your dog stop what he’s doing, come to you and sit down.  Mean what you say.  Don’t say, “Come,” and then walk over to him anyway.  If he needs a reminder go get him and bring him to where you want him to be.  YOU are the boss.  YOU are the parent.  YOU are the pack leader.  When your dog starts paying the bills around your house maybe you can share power but until then YOU must be in charge.  Go back and read Animal Farm if you think you can happily share power among species. 

Don’t do it any other way.  You must establish the boundaries, rules and consequences and stick to them.  It’s heinously unfair to declare no dogs on the couch on Monday but by Friday be too tired to care and let him on the couch to snuggle.  When Sunday rolls around and you’ve gotten some sleep do you really think he knows that he’s suddenly not allowed on the couch anymore?  Nope.  If you don’t want him up there don’t let him up there ever. 

Whatever the rules you establish are back them up and stick to them.  Your dog will learn very quickly if there is a change.  Perfect example, I have good friends who do not allow their dogs on the furniture.  Sure, no problem, their choice.  When my dogs go to their house they are not allowed on the furniture- even when they sleep over because I’m away.  They relax on the dog beds on the floor.  Also, when their dogs come to my house they gleefully run into the living room and right up on the Ottoman because they’ve been taught that in this house they are permitted to be there.  They can understand that rules are different at different places because they are consistently enforced in each.  You may often see pictures of dogs placing on picnic tables at public parks.  This does not mean my dogs hang out on my dining room table.  They understand that the rules at the park and the rules at home are different.  Let’s keep Mr. Gearhart’s legacy alive in our consistency to say it and mean it every time.

Your home does not need a dog whisperer in order to be peaceful; clear communication from a consistently calm and confident leader is all you need.  Your dog is craving it. 

By the way, I was an “A” student in Mr. Gearhart’s class and went on to become an English teacher myself.  I believe he had a lot to do with that.  I wish he was still of this earth so I could buy him a cup of coffee and say thank you.  Better yet, a strong cocktail.  The man taught 8^th grade; he was the true superhero.