Archives for September 2019

Oh, Mr. Einstein.  We need you down here. 

I’m going to attempt to write this post without shaming anyone personally.  I might fail.  If I offend, I’m truly sorry that your feelings are hurt but I’m about to speak the truth.  Sometimes the truth hurts.

I’m a personal dog trainer.  Sure, I have group classes but they are for approved students and graduates in good standing.  Some students never get approved for class; some graduates have their attendance privileges suspended.  My training is not one-size fits all so I’m not interested in just taking your money and throwing some cookie-cutter bullshit at you before slapping a hat on your dog’s head and taking a cute picture.  No, I expect you to actually do the work and for your dog’s behavior to actually change.

I’m a dog trainer, not a witch.  I have no magic wand to wave to make what you’ve been doing suddenly work.  Just because you approach this dog with the same methods and training with which you approached a previous dog does not mean it will work again.  If you realize you need some help, I’m happy to do it.  I will get to know your dog, start with the basics, work through issues as they arise and advise new approaches.  If you’re unwilling to take my advice then please don’t be surprised when your dog continues the behavior you’re trying to change.  If you are not willing to change your approach then your dog is not going to change its behavior.

Change is good; it has to begin somewhere.  Let it be you.  Be the change you want to see in your dog.

Your dog is not made of glass. 

Your dog’s ego and self-worth are not so fragile that he can’t handle being told, “no.”

You are not going to irreparably damage your relationship by setting boundaries and enforcing rules.

Let me be clear: I never, ever advocate hurting a dog.  Abuse is never okay.  Period.  Punishment, correction, setting rules and absolutes are not abuse. 

There has been a terrible shift over that past 30 years away from the concept of the word, “no.”  I’m not just thinking about dog training, I’m thinking about our society as a whole.  We have been trying so hard to be an inclusive and tolerant world that we have forgotten that rules are okay.  Boundaries are okay; especially for dogs who crave rules, structure and leadership.

Stop making excuses for your dog jumping up on people and make him stop it.  Make him understand that it is wrong and unacceptable.  You’re not going to make him not love you.  He will be grateful for the guidance so that he can remain in the room and be included in the conversation.

Stop avoiding walking your dog because she pulls on the leash.  Teach her a proper heel and correct her when she breaks it.  A life confined to the fenced-in yard is miserable.  Give her the chance to get out and see the world.  She deserves to get to go along.

Stop allowing your dog to be disrespectful.  He no longer lives in a dog pack, it is unacceptable to greet his human pack members with nips and snarls.  Hold him accountable for his choice and establish your role as the leader.  He’s not paying the bills in your house, he doesn’t get to make the rules.

Stop putting your human values on your dog.  She is a den animal; the crate is her safe place to be.  If you offer appropriate exercise- both mental and physical- she will have nothing but solace and enjoy the respite of her crate.  Just because YOU may feel confined does not mean that she will.

Finally, JUST SAY NO.  If you dog is licking the dirty dishes in the dishwasher as you’re loading it say no and tell him to get out of the kitchen.  Mean it.  If your dog is chewing on your shoes don’t reward that with a toy.  Tell her no, take the shoe away, be pissed off and tell her so.  If he’s on the couch and you don’t want him to be, if she’s screaming at passers-by, if he’s digging holes in the yard, if she’s generally being a menace- just say no.  Your dog will still love you, I promise.

The dogs in the picture are mine.  One I adopted at a year old and the other was a 5-year-old I fostered and failed.  Neither had a perfect start, both had awful habits but I took them into my home and promised to be their forever family.  I set the rules, I drew the lines and I enforced them.  I enforced them with love and shock collars, exercise and prong collars, good nutrition and discipline, quality healthcare and crates.  I love them enough to give them what they need to be their best selves.  That picture is not a fluke.  We go everywhere together and they get to be free because I love them enough to say no when they screw up. 

I’d love to hear from you, how do you set boundaries for your family?

https://www.youtube.com/embed/hbk4kx86204

Do you know this movie?  It’s Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves.  I love it!  Despite the historical inaccuracies, the bad accents and the predictable plot, I love it.

In this scene, Fanny is about to give birth to her eighth child but she knows something doesn’t feel quite right.  The good Friar Tuck means well but he is speaking words of fear out of ignorance.  It’s a close call, Tuck’s emotional whispering into Little John’s ear nearly makes him burst in and remove Azeem from assisting Fanny.  Yes, Azeem’s approach to midwifery is bold and causes some discomfort but he is looking at the problem logically- the baby was breach and needed to be turned to be born safely.  He takes the necessary action to remedy the situation.  In the end, Azeem saves the day.  He helps Fanny safely deliver her son.

Why am I going on about a 28-year-old movie?  The same thing is happening in the dog training world.  There is a very well-organized, very loud and well-meaning group spouting emotional fear about balanced training.  They cry out against training tools they neither use nor understand.  They do this in an attempt to be kind; they truly believe that using force-free methods are the best path.  Sometimes it works!  Just like in medieval times, sometimes a breech baby could be born safely without assistance.

The sad reality is that the vast majority of those babies died just as the vast majority of dogs trained using force free methods are unsuccessful.  Instead of becoming family members who are able to accompany their humans everywhere, instead of helping a dog confront and conquer their dog reactivity, they keep their pet in a fenced back yard.  Instead of teaching their dog not to jump on visitors, they stop having people over.  People allow their lives to be taken over by their dog’s behavior instead of reaching for a different method of modifying the behavior. 

Balanced training is often uncomfortable.  I will stipulate that.  However, all growth is uncomfortable.  Show me one human who didn’t have some struggle in school and I’ll show you an uneducated person.  If a butterfly does not struggle in discomfort against the cocoon then her wings will not be strong enough to fly.  In a dog pack, they keep one another in check in the most primitive way possible- they growl, snarl, snap and bite.  This is the language dogs already know.  Balanced training taps into that reality and uses it as a map to help the dog learn to understand English and to live in a human pack.

I have the utmost respect for anybody who cares enough about dogs to make an effort at helping them live their best lives.  Truly.  In the name of science, which is the force free advocate’s favorite argument, please remember that there are four quadrants of behavior medication.  Two of them involve punishment which is often uncomfortable.  We must often cause controlled discomfort in order to grow.  Just as Little John resisted Friar Tuck’s advice, resist the emotional manipulation designed to avoid teaching your dog.  In the end, Tuck himself admits that we all have much to learn from one another and celebrates with a beer.  Azeem accepts his grateful humility and politely declines the beer as his faith forbids it.  What a beautiful example to follow.